30 Jun Come & See

They said, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”

“Come,” he replied, “and you will see.”

~ John 1:38-39

I want to be more brave.

This verse illuminates the fear in my heart as I see the two disciples have this first experience with Jesus.  They hear John the Baptist say, “Look, the Lamb of God!” as Jesus walks by and curiously they drop everything and start to follow Jesus.  They safely lag behind a bit though, like innocent and inquisitive third world children do when an American walks through their village.

I wonder if they stammered with their words a bit as Jesus turns to them after a few minutes of them following and asks, “What do you want?”

Oh that favorite question of Jesus….

“What do you want?

Oh, what do I want Jesus?

Notice that nervously the disciples don’t answer but blurt out “where are you staying?”  I wonder what their heart was afraid to say as that “answer a question with a question” technique of avoidance got thrown out.

This morning Jesus’ question rings deep into my heart…

“What DO you want?”

Oh Jesus, I want so many things…

His answer to all my wants is simply… “Come and you will see.”

That answer is so hard Jesus.  I want to see before I come.  I want to know what you are up to and where you plan on taking me before I come.  I want to know that the end of this trail you invite me to walk down will be good . . . for . . . me.

But that is not how this goes, right?  He doesn’t show us where He is taking us first.  He doesn’t show us where this brave step with our job will lead or if this new relationship will end happily ever  after.  He simply says, “Come and you will see.”

I think of how true this has been in my life regarding my sexuality and how hard it can be to trust Jesus to come fully and THEN see what He will do with your relationships and your sexuality.  Will he heal?  Will he restore?  Will he let you carry that thorn of celibacy and fight through the pain of loneliness until you are able to really see that His love is enough?  If you follow him will desires for love and relationship go unfulfilled?

His answer….

“Come and you will see.”

I am thankful for the past eight year journey of healing and revelation that He has brought regarding my sexuality.  Yes, there is ALWAYS work to do but I have walked far enough with Him to have experienced real joy, real freedom from struggle, and peace.

But today, I admit I am scared.

With this new book adventure and this new relationship I am in I don’t know where either will lead.  But . . . I have no choice.  I MUST be brave.  Like a little curious child, I must stop all my distracted routine play and innocently, humbly come and see.

I hear Him gently whisper, “Come my love.  Let me have your heart and trust me with your wants today.”